I’m soooooo bored with this hacking shizzle. Well… not so much bored as bored with being addicted to it. You know what I mean? Like. Eyes glued to any development bored. So bored that my tweetdeck API (whatever that is) gets overloaded on my various NOTW related tweet searches forcing me to monitor events on my computer and my phone to keep up. The sort of bored where I start following Sky news journalist tweetscos they look they’ve got the inside track. So bored that I’m F5 ing BBC live updates til my fingers start to blister. You know this bored – the one where you actually find yourself caring about PMQs and parliamentary debates. Bored like, OMG what the fuck might I have missed while writing this shit, bored!
So no. I’m not bored. But I reckon I will be soon. Each development in the saga adds a tiny layer of desensitivity to the affair, like my calloused F5 pushing fingers no longer feeling the burn. By the time of the final unveiling, when Brooks and the Murdoch family are unveiled as a sick secret murderous and lecherous whole other species to humanity like in Society with Billy Warlock the world will be like “meh”.
The problem is that while all this is fucking great. While every event seems to confirm my belief in humanity a little more. NoTW shuts down. Yay! News Corp withdraws Sky bid. YAY! Cameron exposed as a weaselly mofo who knowingly gives hacker embroiled ex hacks second chances and tries to duck out of nationally scrutinised debates tainting his reputation in the eyes of the electorate FUCKING YEAH! Well. the problem is we’re missing other shit. we’re missing shit that’s much more important than the poxy tittle tattle of our poxy country. We’re missing stuff much more important than our national press taking a beating. We’re missing some real fucking news. And sometimes we need to stop, breathe, take stock and get a perspective. So here’s a round-up of five news stories we really shouldn’t be forgetting about just cos an 80-year-old man is having his train set confiscated :
5. The Arab Spring.
You know that shit? The stuff that started last December? Man you’d think that the Middle East would have sprung by now instead of always springing. I mean. Over here summers already nearly over. Not long now til the nights draw in and all that . But no. There is still a big load of shit going down. People are dying and the press over here is so obsessed with one non-tax-paying octogenarian that this is not getting the coverage it deserves. Even the Guardian is having to run silly donut angles on the story to try to get some interest in Bahrain where at least 30 people have died. In Syria the crackdown is much worse and amnesty have stepped in to report crimes against humanity for the people we all seem to be paying scant attention to (myself included) because we’re all feasting on a News Corp corpse.
Yeah. You know the place. The one that started off all Arab Spring-like (see above) but suddenly the West decided it was worth bombing the fuck out of one country while letting violations stand everywhere else? Well shit’s still going on there too. Y’know? We’re still bombing them. The thing is though. The French are getting cold feet. They’re backtracking and realising that maybe bombing a country isn’t always the best way to actually get it sorted out (erm see Iraq, Afghanistan and wherever else we decided to stick our beaks in with bombs and guns and no coherent contingency). They’re saying we’re at stalemate and maybe we were wrong to do all that shit in the first place. Fucking French eh. Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys. So in step the USA and say “hold it – why stop now you’re about to win” (winning being what? killing more people? Replacing a tired regime with a new one you have control over?). This whole theatre bears scrutiny. Something that is lacking as soon as it moves from the front pages of the press.
3. Cameron privatises EVERYTHING.
So there we are gawping at Rebekah Brooks and her leering sugar daddy and in the background we hear that familiar Cameron mantra about the “big society”. BOOOORING – lets watch more of this car crash of a news story careering round our small screens. Except we’re just missed a pretty big fucking trick haven’t we. In a move so cynical it would have Jo Moore spinning in her political grave Camerona has used the shitstorm of the hacking row to push on with his “big society” agenda of devolving state involvement in anything. OK so maybe it’s “watered down” but all the things we pay tax for in order to create a more equal society? Well shit Sherlock Cameron wants them killed. Killed or put into non-state hands. Which is worse than death. It’s like reanimation. A legion of zombified former state activities being prodded forward by profiteering corporations. Or by overworked charities and citizens while a depleted Whitehall looks after the apparatus that can keep unrest from destabilising it. Namely the police and the military. This is something that could have much further reaching consequences than any poxy paper falling apart.
This isn’t a fucking story. It really isn’t. It’s like this. We’ve just had our terror alert threat thingamabobs downgraded. So basically our government can no longer justify throwing money all over the place and indiscriminately arresting people cos they look like Muslims. So what the fuck? OMG? There’s like a possibility we might be getting … safer?!?! But politics and news NEED fear. How do we counter this shit? Here’s how. As soon as the alert goes down we bang on about how much of a threat there is. Olympics? MASSIVE THREAT! Not good enough? Shit. OK. So what about Facebook? THREAT. Get this! Al Quaeda don’t just know how to shoot guns and make bombs. They use TEH INTERNETS as well. Honest. They really do. BE SCARED … please be scared just so we can throw in a few more affronts to civil liberty under the guise of one of the stupidest concepts ever – that terrorists are suddenly using Facebook, google earth and all the other things that have long been available to everyone with an IP address to SUBVERT OUR WAY OF LIFE. This is only important for one reason. Watch as every aspect of privacy we thought we’d been spared from the phone hacking scandal gets shredded by various anti-terror measures feasting on the panic this posturing creates.
1. The horn of Africa famine.
I’m sickened at everyone including myself for not paying enough attention to this. The press relegating it to less important news than mindlessly banal headlines about foxes eating a family’s guinea pig is virtually a crime against humanity in itself. This is probably the most important humanitarian effort that is going to require help this year. This should be burning the print presses on the front page of every newspaper for as long as it goes on. We have 10 million people facing starvation. Refugee camps full to the brim and a completely and utterly insufficient response from the people of this country or all the other rich-as-fuck countries who could actually make a difference. I’m not sermonising here (sorry if it sounds like it) but 10 million people is, like, a LOT of people. Twice the print run of the final news of the world and 16% of the population of this country. And please ignore those fuckwits who say the whole thing is an exaggeration. Even if it was a 10 times exaggeration we’re talking 1 million people. That’s still more than I can ever fucking count to. Dig deep and don’t lose sight of this. We’re better than that.